WAVERING FAITH
Yolanda Lindsay
Today’s Scripture: “Then I said, ‘I am driven away from your sight; yet I shall again look upon your holy temple.’” Jonah 2:4 (ESV)
Theme: Our feelings tell us God is far away, but faith tells us to keep looking toward Him.
BUT GOD, I’M STILL LOOKING
Have you ever been so disappointed that you questioned where God was? Have you ever prayed and prayed for something, only to receive an answer that made you wonder if He was even listening? I have.
FINDING FAITH IN THE MIDDLE OF DISAPPOINTMENT AND ANGER
There was a point during my lung journey when I was told I didn’t qualify for a lung transplant. After years of being sick, fighting to breathe, living on oxygen, and praying for healing, I was basically being told that we had reached the end of the road. And y’all, I was ANGRY with God. I wish I could tell you that my faith never wavered and that I immediately said, “God has a plan,” and peacefully trusted Him. But that is not what happened. I cried. I questioned God. I begged and pleaded with Him to help me. I couldn’t understand why He would bring me through everything I had already survived just for my story to end there. I had believed God was going to make a way, and suddenly there seemed to be no way.
LOST... YET LOOKING TOWARD GOD
For a while, I felt like I lost the faith I had always been so sure of. That’s why this verse from Jonah means so much to me. Jonah says, “I am driven away from your sight; yet I shall again look upon your holy temple.” He felt far from God. His circumstances looked hopeless. But that little word “yet” changes everything. He was essentially saying, “This is how I feel. This is what my circumstances look like. Yet, I’m still going to look toward You, God.”
BEING HONEST WITH GOD
Looking back at my own journey, I realize that even when I was angry with God, I was still talking to Him. Even when I questioned Him, I was still crying out to Him. Even when I thought I had lost my faith, there was still something inside of me that kept looking for Him. Maybe faith doesn’t always look like confidence. Sometimes faith looks like crying while you pray. Sometimes it looks like admitting, “God, I’m mad, I’m hurt, and I don’t understand.” Sometimes you have nothing left except enough faith to whisper, “Please help me.”
“UNANSWERED” PRAYERS
And God heard me. He didn’t answer on my timeline or in the way I expected, but in His time, things began to change. Doors opened that had been closed. What I had been told was impossible became possible. I was eventually listed for transplant, and God gave me the miracle I had begged Him for: two new lungs and a second chance at life. Now I can look back and see God working in places where, at the time, I was convinced He was nowhere to be found.
STILL LOOKING
That doesn’t mean every prayer will be answered exactly the way we want it to be. I would never tell someone waiting on their own miracle that if they just have enough faith, everything will turn out exactly as they hope. But I will tell you what my journey taught me: how I feel about my circumstances does not change who God is. I can be disappointed and still look toward Him. I can be angry and still look toward Him. I can have questions and still look toward Him. I can even have moments when my faith feels almost gone and still turn my face in His direction.
Maybe that’s where you are today. You don’t understand what God is doing. You don’t like where you are, and you have no idea how your situation is going to turn out. It’s okay to tell Him that. But after you tell Him how you feel, choose your “yet.” “God, I don’t understand this. I don’t like this. I’m tired of waiting. Yet, I will keep looking toward You.”
Make it Personal: Is there something happening in your life right now that has made God feel far away? Have you mistaken not understanding what God is doing for God not doing anything? Think about what it would look like for you to choose your own “yet” today. Take a few minutes today and tell God exactly how you feel. Not the pretty church answer, but the real answer. Tell Him if you’re angry, scared, disappointed, or simply tired of waiting. Then finish your prayer with these words: “Yet I will keep looking toward You.” You don’t have to understand the plan to choose to keep your eyes on the One who does.
Pray: Heavenly Father, thank You for loving us even when our faith is messy. Thank You for staying close when we’re angry, confused, scared, disappointed, or tired of waiting. When our circumstances tell us You are far away, help us keep looking toward You. When we don’t understand Your timing, help us trust Your heart. Thank You for the prayers You have answered, the miracles we have already seen, and for being with us in the places where we are still waiting. Today, no matter how we feel or what we’re facing, help us choose to say, “Yet I will keep looking toward You.” In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Read: Psalm 13:1-2, 5-6; 2 Corinthians 5:7; Isaiah 40:31; Psalm 34:17-18
Weekly Memory Verse: “When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.” Jonah 2:7, ESV